What is the most important thing to you?
J E S S
Well that will most definitely easily be my kids, at 19 finding myself pregnant and on the opposite side of the world was not exactly the path I had expected to be heading down when I had left, but after a year and a bit in the UK here I was two very obvious blue lines and ..nope I’m not just seeing double, all I wanted to do was run, I mean as in out of my body, somehow but no…this was real and yup I was pregnant.
Back home in good ol’ NZ there wasn’t a hell of a lot for me I had been in care from my early-ish teens I hadn’t had any of my family or spoken to any of them for a long time by this point so coming back to open loving arms wasn’t going to happen, raising a kid in England with the father of this child wasn’t an option and so there paused right then at that point with the ONLY test I think id ever passed in my life in front of me was a pretty defining moment. Up until then I had lived pretty much day by day, I buried myself in my job and I was barely getting by but I was ok-ish, I was living (barely) I guess to say the least I was breathing regularly so yeah I was alive.
Back then I hated the word family, it sounds weird to say now but I really did, if you had asked me to meet yours I would find any excuse to not, even though I’m sure they are and were lovely people (sorry about that by the way) to me family was bullshit.
So fast forward to January 27th 2011, 7lbs and 2 ounces later feeling like id just been run over by a train and by the magic of life in all its gross glory I somehow had just become two people, my own “Family” so to speak I all of a sudden had a focus and all of my being was to make sure this tiny human was happy, healthy, warm, safe and loved he gave me purpose and I guess he filled my spirit fixed my shattered heart and for the first time in a long lonely time, someone loved me as much as I loved them. Is it too much to say he saved me from myself? Well that’s how it felt, it’s actually kind of daunting call it mothers’ instinct (or maybe I’m just psycho) but knowing you wouldn’t think twice if forced to kill a person in order to protect your child is pretty scary, but still, nowhere near as unnerving as the mothers who don’t have that instinct at all.
Now, today in my life add two more kids a mortgage an incredibly patient and understanding partner some four-legged’s and a couple of shelled members and we are a happy, healthy, weird family of 5 (pets not included in the head count) and life is pretty dang sweet.
So there we have it, Mana I hope this is ok thanks for the opportunity and also thanks for putting up with me staying in your home all those times 😊 your house was always my favorite place to stay and your parents are gems ❤